Unique Snowflake Syndrome…

5 Oct
Fight Club- I Like Myself…

I suddenly have a complete inability to express myself through writing. I always enjoy describing myself as a writer, but I’m beginning to think all this time I have been a fake and a phony. I can articulate myself perfectly when talking of an abstract concept, a theory I hold, or a complete fiction, but when it comes to real feelings and writing from experience, I have suddenly realised I’m at a constant loss for words. I never wrote about the two times I’ve been in love, or the times I’ve lost myself completely; I always felt it too personal. I’m trying to push my own fears and boundaries now, as only a ‘real’ writer can.

I believe the reason I’m suddenly so stumped is purely because I’m suddenly so inspired- which sounds like a paradox, I know. Starting an entire life on your own on the other side of the world is a daunting experience, there’s no doubting that. But it hasn’t really felt like such a hurdle for me in that respect. That is not to say I am not fearful, but I’m not in Korea to prove my independence and live a ‘dream-life’, in the way many people I have met seem to be. Indeed, I feel as though I’m doing the opposite. While on the surface I seem as though I’m taking it all in my stride, and putting myself out there to the point of no return, I think I’m actually simply trying to escape my previous life. I’m striving to find out more about myself, rather than attempting to prove to the rest of the world how awesome I already I am. While I’ve met some amazing people in Korea, so many of them give off this aura of confidence like they’ve already made it in life- have one up on the rest of those people in their home country- simply because they are surviving solo. Yes, it takes some balls, and I enjoy every single story I hear for it’s own originality, many of which have inspired me no-end, but if there is one thing I cannot stand, it is the know-it-all arrogant idiots.

But I’ve found you can never escape ‘unique snowflake’ syndrome; even in Korea. Those people who have received constant recognition and encouragement in their lives to the point where their eyes glaze over when the topic moves from themselves, even if just for a second. Thankfully, none of those people will have made it this far through this blog entry, as the absence of their favourite subject will have inevitably resulted in them clicking away from my domain through boredom. So for what I don’t have the guts to say to their faces (or cannot even fit in to conversation): ‘You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.  You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, and we are all part of the same compost pile’  ~(Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Ch. 17).  Just because you have achieved something great- it does not mean the person standing next to you hasn’t equated that achievement, and it makes you all the less impressive if you are so self-involved as to only know your own good fortunes. I truly believe a person becomes more interesting not because of their Ivy League education, but through striving to know more, to meet more interesting people, to push themselves to the extremes.

It has come to my attention I have totally deferred from my initial point, but I think my writing reflects my disjointed thought processes at the moment, and as my literary inspiration wears thin, I cannot help but philosophize and psycho-analyze all those people I should have a shared point of interest with through the active decision we’ve all made to travel to the other side of the world, but to whom I simply cannot relate.

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